At Age 11, on the playground:
Me: I’m sorry, I have band practice.
New Friend: You’re in a band? Cool. What do you play?
Me: Not like a rock band… I play the french horn.
New Friend: Oh. Um. Why is it French?
Me: I don’t know.
New Friend: Oh. Bye.
Me: Bye.
At Age 21, at a bar:
Me: Sorry, I’ve got to run, early rehearsals tomorrow.
Cute Guy: Oh, okay. What do you do? You look like a singer…
Me: HAH. I mean, no, I play horn.
Cute Guy: Which one?
Me: (take long drink, cute guy did not pass the test) … the French one.
Cute Guy: I think I know what that is. Cool.
Nerdy Guy: (steps in) Hey! So I’ve wondered, what makes it French?
Me: Well, it’s technically not. See, the French invented some horns, but the horn was first invented by the Germans. Well, I mean, TECHNICALLY, African tribes hollowed out animal tusks and… (blah blah blah blah)
Guys: ………. (taking long drinks)
Me: Well, I should go. Nice to meet you both. (Walks home, alone.)
rinse, repeat, live life.
