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The Frenemy.: Drunk Thoughts
Sometimes I drunk journal, it’s usually similar to this, but half as funny with twice as many typos…
- I should buy another drink because if I don’t my social lubricant will dry up and die
- I can only talk to people at a certain point of drunkeness
- I’m not drunk enough to enjoy all these people I hate these people
- Goodness, I will try my damndest to reach a point of enjoyment! Cheers to wine!
- My bed is probably the most comfortable place in the world, like if a cloud burped up flannel and blessed it with cotton candy. I would like to get to this bed now.
- Law and ORDER oh god is everybody going to kill me, Ice T?
- I want every water
- One does not simply walk into Mordor, on a sidenote
- If I don’t pee right now, my bladder will probably explode and the rest of my body will have to spend the rest of its life avenging my murdered bladder
- Speaking of bladder should I squat? No, I will hover on this public toilet like my thighs are stronger than they are
- If I play this song on the subway will the world hear it? I don’t give a shit I will blast it so loud
- I’m so happy I can’t even
- Jesus, I’m so sad I might cry and die
- If I stare in the mirror it might tell me how pretty I am, because I think I look pretty. This mirror is something I will look at now
- Where’s my purse it’s gone forever
- This song is my absolute favorite I should dance to this like a weirdo
- I have to concentrate on walking now, I guess
- I don’t have anything to say to these people so I’m just grinning maniacally
- Murder
- Puppies
- Oh cool, you think that being in your twenties is hard too I guess we’ll just scream about it
- I’d rather watch Youtube than be here
- I really just want to go home and eat freebase cream cheese and toast
- Oh goodness, maybe I should just go and buy pizza and eat all the pizza in the world
- I have a brain in my head and face how weird is that bodies are so weird
- I’m going to write on this Facebook wall even though I shouldn’t
- I miss being a child
- Shots are a good idea
- Let’s giggle forever
- I bet I could fall in love tonight
- I have so much courage right now to fall in love
- I deserve to fall in love
- That guy is so cute
- Should I talk to that guy
- Well, he maybe looked at me we maybe held eye contact for like, 3 seconds. 3 seconds means he wants to have my child babies right?
- He looked away and went to talk to somebody else who is blonder than most everybody. GOOD THING I imagined our wedding in my head because now that dream is so dead
- I’m so depressed and unique
- I love everything in the world
- Shots aren’t the most disgusting vile thing in the world and a real ace idea
- My ex boyfriend I have thoughts about him
- Let’s high five so much now
- I’m going to make so many plans with my friends that I will never keep
- Maybe I should just online shop and buy boots and Rosetta Stone
- I should tweet at a celebrity like Michael Cera, who seems like he might want to hear from me
- I forget my Gmail Password
- My mom’s so great
- I’ll just text this guy now because he’s my favorite even though he should be dead
- Let me clutch my phone in my hand and stare at my phone because I’m so social and good at being social
- Did I lose my credit card? Did I start a tab? Where is all the money I have?
- I think I lost my gloves and probably my coat
- I can’t wait to go home and check my Tumblr
- Maybe somebody posted a flash mob wedding or a picture of Ryan Gosling or a bulldog
- I think I have a crush on everything
- Everything in the world
- I should get another drink, if I get a three dollar beer it’s probably not drinking at all
- I am trying to wash but all the eyeliner is melting down my face like it needs revenge on my cheeks
- I think I probably need to listen to the saddest song on my Ipod
- Or only watch the stupidest television show
- Everything is funny or stupid, no gray area
- I want to meet this girl and loudly tell her we’re so compatible and laugh and stuff
- Or tell my best friend how much I love her
- Let me also call my friend and tell her how pretty I think her face is because I haven’t texted her in forever
- I’m spending too much time in the bathroom
- Every guy is hot or so, so stupid
- Hold on, I’m gonna get into this really deep conversation about something now
- But hell, this conversation feels so important! Everything is so important!
- Don’t bum a cigarette, asshole.
- I’d like to stick my hand into a potato chip bag
- I’d like to dance around my room now
- And smile at myself
- slash hysterically laugh at everything
- and worship the God of wine
- Fall into a deep sleep
- Chug water
- Wake up with the worst hangover ever and probs die
